Chapter 4

To the outside world, when the O’Connor family functioned, it functioned very well, especially in public. There were moments that appeared storybook in nature, almost a surreal sit-com. When things were copacetic, the family was able to set aside time to do things as a unit. Sometimes that meant a family trip to the grocery store, the park or going to the family’s favorite place, the library. Sean Junior loved to wander around the children’s library and pick out a stack of books to bring home. He was ten years-old and an age where he began reading the books to mom and dad instead of visa-versa. The youngest child, Steven, was just five years old had just begun to discover reading.

Sean and Sam’s relationship had an inauspicious beginning. The pair met when they both worked at a popular Mexican restaurant in Rochester N.Y. Sean was a bartender and Samantha was a waitress.

Both of them were carrying significant baggage, Sean was a high-school dropout that had fathered a child when he was sixteen-years-old, and came from a dysfunctional home. Samantha married a co-worker right after she graduated high school. The couple only lived together for a few months before Sam gave in to her desires and started dating a local musician.

One of Sam’s co-workers that was 23 years her senior, let Sam move into her apartment after things went south with Sam’s husband. Then the relationship with the musician ended, and Sam began dating Sean’s bi-sexual roommate. When the relationship with Sean’s roommate fizzled, Sean was convenient prey, and one of the benefits in dating Sean was that he had a part-time job at a local bar, and he happily served his friends who were not legal age to drink.

At 22-years-old, Sean had lived many lives. He was intermittently a single father to his oldest son, and a partier that lived a drug-fueled rock and roll lifestyle. When Sean’s oldest son’s mother moved and took his oldest son across the country, Sean was traumatized. Sean went on a cocaine bender fueled with alcohol for the better part of a month, and lost his apartment, his vehicle and almost lost all of his jobs.

As if to add insult to injury, the one woman that Sean felt deeply connected to had slept with his best friend, destroying the only two healthy relationships in his life.

When a co-worker named Brian, who was dating Samantha, offered a cheap room, Sean cleaned up as best as he could and moved in. It was a dirty apartment in a bad section of town, but Sean was out of options.

It was Samantha that came on to Sean, and in less than three days they had consummated their relationship, knowing very little about each other beyond the fact they were damaged souls looking for someone to love them.

In spite of the craziness in both their lives, there seemed to be something pure about their romance during those first few days together. That didn’t last long, because in a month the young couple moved to their own apartment, even though Samantha’s divorce was not finalized. Sam told her parents she lived there alone, and when her parents came to visit, Sean had to hide in a closet in the bedroom and listen to Sam’s parents beg her to go back to her husband.

Then the husband started coming over to the apartment, and to their work. The relationship lost its luster and evolved into a stressful tragedy. There were many times Sean and Sam’s ex-husband almost came to fists, a battle that Sean would have easily lost.

Then one morning, Sean went into the bathroom to take a piss, and there was a pregnancy test on the toilet. Sean walked into the living room holding the test.

“What does this mean?”

“What do you think it means?” Sam shot back quickly.

A part of Sean was in shock, but this was not the first time he had fathered a child out of wedlock. It was the second time he would have to discuss the possibility of aborting a child he fathered, although with his first son it was barely an option. With Sam there were some major complications, especially since she was still legally married, and she knew that her parents would lose their minds if they found out.

Sean begged and cried, and Samantha couldn’t even look at him.

“Even if you don’t want this child, I promise I will raise him,” Sean said as the tears flowed down his cheeks.

Samantha hated Sean’s sensitive side. It was so unmanly.

What Sean didn’t know, and would only find out years later, was that Samantha had been driven to an abortion clinic by a co-worker. It was the same day as a planned protest, and when Samantha arrived for her appointment she was greeted by one of the protesters, who convinced her to leave.

Three months into their relationship and they barely knew each other. Now they were about to have a child.

Rather than stay in town and deal with both sets of parents, Samantha and Sean connected with an older couple that was selling everything and heading to Las Vegas. Sean and Sam tagged along for the adventure, but they returned home shortly before Sean Jr. was born.

When they came back to Rochester, they stayed with Samantha’s parents for a few weeks. The house was still filled with pictures of Samantha’s wedding, and Sam’s estranged husband offered to raise the child as his own.

Sean found work in the restaurant industry. Sam’s parents didn’t consider it “real” work, and made that known throughout the relationship.

Sam’s divorce was finalized right before Sean Jr. was born. It had been a huge point of contention because if Sam was still legally married to her first husband it would make things messy.

Sam was an impatient mother, but Sean was able to create a lasting bond with his child. Since Sean worked nights, he was able to get up with the baby in the middle of the night when he came home. He also spent most of the day with his child, and they took naps together.

Sam was still heavily influenced by her parents, and was putting pressure on Sean to get a “real” job. Sam was convinced that Sean was being unfaithful because he worked as a bartender and often came home late.

One night he came home almost two hours after the bar closed because the basement had flooded and he had to stay and clean it up. Sam was infuriated and would not accept Sean’s explanation for why he came home so late.

It was a week later when she called him at work with a quick message.

“I’m calling to let you know that I have moved out and taken the baby with me. When you come home, I will be gone.”

Sean was blindsided, and when he did get home that night the apartment was completely empty. All of the pictures were taken off the walls, the dishes, all of the furniture. The only thing Sam left was Sean’s clothes, a couple of pillows and a few blankets.

At first Sean cried, but after a few minutes he went into a rage and smashed out the sliding glass door window and punched holes in the wall. The police were called and when they arrived they were sympathetic, and simply told Sean he needed to find a place to stay for the evening and call a lawyer in the morning.

Sean drove to a nearby park and slept in his car.

In spite of the extra effort to empty the apartment of all its contents, Sam was back in three days. Sean had to agree to not drink alcohol and to find another job. The couple also went to a marriage counselor.

The marriage counselor advised Sam that moving everything out of the apartment was a bad idea, and overly dramatic. Sam’s parents were brought into a counseling session because the therapist believed they were a major stressor on the relationship. Sam’s parents kept asking why Sean’s parents didn’t need to attend a session, and the marriage counselor tried to diplomatically say that Sean’s parents were not interfering in the couple’s relationship.

After marriage counseling, Sean and Sam joined a Baptist church and were “born again.” Sean found a factory job and did some supplemental work as a disc jockey. Sam took a job as a bank teller to help make ends meet.

The couple survived their first major test, but the scars of the first few years of their relationship remained.